Wait until the loved one has gone downstairs and is engaged in some solitary pursuit – reading the newspaper, watching TV, or sitting at the kitchen table with his face buried in his hands, dreading another day at work, and entertaining thoughts of beginning life anew in an artists’ colony in the interior of Australia.
Go up to him softly, tenderly, and begin whispering in his ear. Begin whispering, I say, but build up to a great crescendo: crying, screaming, and maybe breaking his "Pobody's Nerfect" coffee cup.
Say to him the following words:
Have I ever told you that I love you?
Yes, it is true. I love you. I love you with all my heart. I love you with my soul. I love you for the man that you are, and I love you for the man that you dream of being, but who you can never – must never! – become. I love you for every sign of your innate goodness – signs that, try as you might to conceal them, are still as obvious as they would be if some dull blade had etched them into your brow in an ornate font. I love you for the better angels of your nature, and also for the worse devils – perhaps more for the devils! It is true! I love you for the magnificent and bloody crimes that you dream of in your innermost heart when all the world is asleep, and I love you for that rich elixir of sweetness that you can pour on men, women, and children with a single word – NAY! – with a single glance! I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO CARVE A GREAT WOODEN MONUMENT TO YOU EVERY MORNING, WORSHIP IT BY THE LIGHT OF THE NOONDAY SUN, AND THEN BURN IT TO THE GROUND EVERY EVENING – ALL THE BETTER TO PROCLAIM, MY DEAR, YOUR GLORY TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE YET TO KNOW YOU, AND TO THE GODS WHO ALREADY ADORE YOU!
SO GREAT IS MY LOVE!
SO GREAT IS MY DEVOTION!
SO GREAT IS MY PASSION!
Is the coffee still on?
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